so many things

It’s one of those nights.

You know, I keep meaning to write. There are so many little things I want to tell you. I think about it and I seem to find other things that need to be done. Or maybe it’s just a hard day with too much pain. Or maybe I’m lonely.

Which is weird, you know. Because I’m isolating, aren’t I? I am so far behind even online.  I have stacks of posts to read (even having deleted all the non-friend posts in my feed). I miss you all.

And since I don’t know anyone here  like, I don’t know the ladies at the grocery store or the nice guy at the post office who, if he sees me drive in, will get my mail and meet me at the door before I can even get the walker out of the car. I don’t know the folks at the pharmacy who will come out to my car and talk with me instead of making me walk in.

I didn’t have a lot of friends in Shell Knob. I still talk to my old neighbor most days. I’m just…. more alone here.

I hope to change that. It’s still a small town but surely it has something I can get involved in. Right now, I am still pretty much house bound. I will tell you stories soon.

Tonight I just wanted to say hi and that I’m thinking of you. And I hope it’s not too needy to say that I hope you sometimes think of me.

 

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my how time flies

Well I really did intend to write more often but things have been moving so quickly. And yet so slowly. Or if not slowly, perhaps interminably. Does packing ever end? Every time I think we’re done more stuff appears that requires packing. I think we’re done – other than I need to finish packing the last of my clothes tonight.

Tonight because we move tomorrow.

new-house

This is the new house.i had a total meltdown when I signed the contract. All I wanted to do was call my mom. Most of the time, I feel like I’ve handled the grief well since I truly believe that they are better off, but this was a major life event and I just wanted to talk to my mom about it. She would have been so excited and I know she would have wanted to be there and to help me get settled and everything.

I’ll be offline for a few days but since I’m posting so infrequently, who is going to notice?

I hope everyone had a good holiday and I hope to get back into the posting habit. I have scary tests coming up but I’m hoping there is a solution (that doesn’t involve surgery) for my back pain. I still can’t sit at my desk for any length of time and typing on the laptop is damned annoying!

no news is boring

I had hoped to have news, which is one of the reasons I’ve put off writing the last few days. Perhaps tomorrow.

Let’s see, we started looking at houses almost two weeks ago. Wow. Turns out that houses in my price range may look good online but in person, they are awful. A couple we didn’t even bother going in to look around. One, we opened the door and were nearly knocked off our butts by the mold and mildew smell. That particular house had the most peculiar island situated barely a foot from the cabinets. You couldn’t have opened the drawers or doors. Turned out that it was a bizarre trap door to the “basement.” The inside of the lid was covered with black mold. You’d have to be insane to buy it unless you planned to tear it down.

Another had a closet sized second bathroom that my walker wouldn’t fit through the door, and if it had I still couldn’t have moved around in it. It had a newish looking cooktop that didn’t work and no oven anywhere. Plus every door in the place was beaten up and needed to be replaced. Still another had old wooden windows with gaps between the window and frame.

So I had to move out of my price comfort zone. One just needed too much work. One, the house beside it and the one across the street were probably abandoned before being foreclosed on – apparently there’s a water issue there. But I did find one I liked. It has been well maintained and has a new gas cooktop and wall oven. The bathroom is nice and the floors are all original hardwood. It will need a ramp in the garage but it’s a large garage with plenty of storage.

And then started the arguing about price. The seller thinks it’s worth more per square foot than other houses in the area that have been updated. We supposedly agreed on a price but I have not got the contract back from them yet. And of course, if they have signed it still needs to be inspected.

Climbing up the two incredibly tall steps in that house laid me out for most of the week. At least i think that is what caused it. I’m back to my normal level of pain. I’m on the too stressed out to eat diet which is possibly a benefit.

I will write more when I find out more.

UPDATE: Well, we’re under contract. The inspection is Tuesday and I guess I’ll know then whether we’re going through with this. I’ll be really disappointed if there are major problems. I really don’t want to continue house hunting. It isn’t as fun as I’d hoped.

 

 

oh. my. word.

Two months and I haven’t written a word. I wonder if anyone will even find me over here. Ah well, I’m here now.

When last we visited, I was writing about my back pain. Physical therapy got delayed and my pain got worse until I just gave up trying to stand upright. It’s hard to explain but there’s this odd little catch in my back that makes me scream when I try to push it past a certain point. And it turns out that while walking bent over my walker is not a long term solution, it decreased my pain significantly. I think not irritating that nerve all the time decreased the inflammation.

PT finally got going and helped with some flexibility but still didn’t allow me to stand all the way upright. I can get almost vertical but almost vertical is a nearly impossible position to try to walk. So walking hunched over I still am. Not ideal.

I failed an MRI. I don’t think that anyone got just how claustrophobic I am. A couple of Ativan did nothing. I just had a CT scan this week so we’ll see if that gives them enough information. The general consensus is that it is likely an impinged nerve and might require surgery. It might be able to be treated with an injection to kill the nerve or nerves. That sounds marginally better than surgery.

I spent two or three weeks laying down most of the time. Once we made some changes in my medications, I was able to get moving again but it turns out I had to develop sitting tolerance again. If I have a bad day and rest too much, sitting is harder the next day. It’s fun.

And now the irony.

I accepted that the house just wasn’t going to sell before winter… And who in their right mind would come down here looking for houses during the winter? I thought I’d just take it off the market for a while if I needed surgery.

And so it immediately sold. I haven’t gotten the official paperwork back yet but presumably we’re under contract. They wanted to close December 16th and when I stopped laughing, we offered January 9th.

I have some packing and cleaning to do downstairs. My young friend will help me and I think that is the least of my stress. It’s more that there is Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and my birthday in between. In the space between holidays I need to find a house, get it inspected (and hope it’s okay), hire movers, do all the utility whatnot, and deal with the health stuff. My new realtor and I are going to look at some houses next Tuesday. I hope I find something I like quickly and everything goes smoothly. Is that just wishful thinking? Perhaps.

But one day at a time, right?

I am, if you haven’t noticed, way behind on other things. I am reading other blogs but rarely commenting – it’s part of the whole sitting up for long thing. But I’m doing some better and I hope to be around more – also I want to get back in the habit of writing. To wit, I have a vague plan and I need some help.

I will update medical information perhaps weekly but I don’t want to write about it all the time. It’s not that interesting. Still, I should probably keep my bloggy friends informed so if I disappear briefly, no one worries.

I’d like to try some memes or prompts which I will likely steal from other blogs. Things like 5 random things Sundays. Ideas – this is where I need help. I need ideas. I need to get back into a writing routine. Writing is good for me.

Nice to be back.

Oh, and by the way, I’m a bit frustrated with WordPress. It transferred everything the way it said it would, but it didn’t change the image links, or at least not all of them, so many images are dead links now. I may get around to fixing them over time but there are far, far too many posts between the two blogs for it to happen very quickly. Perhaps I’ll use it for sitting tolerance exercises. 🙂

 

 

time to let go

February and my month long experiment in short and mostly trivial posts has come to an end. I knew by about mid way through that it was time to let go, but I wanted to see the month out. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t making a hasty decision.

I have been blogging for almost 12 years. I started on Live Journal and it was, in a way, much more similar to FaceBook than to blogging. I moved from platform to platform until I finally went out on my own. I have met many interesting people and some of them have become real friends. I have written about my life and my parents and diabetes and depression. I have written a lot on eating and food and self acceptance.

I have said it all.

It is time to let go and that is not a decision I have made lightly. The closer I got to today, the more I started rationalizing. Would it kill me to keep the blog running, even if everything I write feels old and tired? Probably not. But I think it is time.

I am not going to disappear. First, I own this domain. I plan to archive this incarnation of the blog and something will go up as a placeholder. Not sure what, but something. I plan to keep Chickens and Eggs, at least for now. I have some plans for cleaning up posts there. And I plan to keep reading your blogs (or emails as the case may be). I had planned to get rid of Twitter and Facebook, but I decided just to hide the annoying stuff on Facebook and I think I may reactivate Twitter, just not going to follow very many people. I am simplifying, trying to find balance. And I don’t know, perhaps in time I will feel inspired to start another blog.

If you would like my email address to keep in touch, just let me know.