and how are you?

“And how are you?” said Winnie-the-Pooh.
Eeyore shook his head from side to side.
“Not very how,” he said. “I don’t seem to have felt at all how for a long time.”
~A A Milne, Winnie the Pooh

It’s been a long time since I’ve written again. I realized some weeks ago that I had taken a trip to the magical swamp of depression again. Not surprising, really, when I sit back and look at it. I’ve had a lot of stress and changes and losses in my life the last couple years and things are quieting down into a new normal now. Cue depression. This too shall pass.

Around the same time I realized this, a new-ish blog acquaintance posted about being depressed. I wanted so much to comment, but I couldn’t. I’m too new, I’m not really a part of his circle and of the comments I’ve made lately, some few have seemed to offend or anger where no offence was intended. It’s not a good time to take that risk. I still read.

Also around the same time, this article from Mental Floss appeared in my newsfeed. I really liked the way it described some of the symptoms of depression, especially the first three listed, even if the article itself is basically fluff.

“Executive function” is the technical term for the tiny emperor that lives in your brain, kicking in when you can’t go on automatic and have to concentrate or make a decision. Depression can cause executive dysfunction, making it very hard to convince yourself to sort the laundry, return a phone call, finish a project, or wash the dishes. If these small tasks are piling up, don’t blame yourself—but pay attention.

Depression is like emotional bleach. It can suck the color and life out of everything, from conversations with friends to your favorite TV show. Anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure, is a very common symptom that makes it hard to focus or care about the things that used to bring you alive.

Does everybody and everything push your buttons these days? Has your fuse gotten shorter? Irritability is a classic but less well-known symptom that, like anhedonia, can cause people to push their now-aggravating loved ones away and become isolated. Some studies have found that depression with irritability may be a separate, more intense subtype of the illness.

At any rate, I promised to update a couple people.

The house is nearly done. Well, once I can get to the photos and other things that go on the walls. I have some boxes left to sort and I’m loosely planning a garage sale at some point. Perhaps not this summer as I expect this summer to be taken up with medical/pain crap.

I have an MRI under anesthesia in a few weeks. The CT with contrast was not clear enough. I continue to root for a non-surgical solution so please feel free to root in your own way for something besides surgery that alleviates some pain.

I am not sure whether I am on a long blogging hiatus or whether I am a retired blogger. I’m not sure it makes much difference but I do know that this is not the time to decide. Besides, I do plan to post some pictures of the house. It’s kind of funny… At times I have felt that the house is not “adult” enough. What with my moose collection and my duckies in the bathroom. But then I decided that it is a pretty good reflection of who I am. Screw being an “adult.”


I’m not sure what else to say.


waiting for godot

Zoe and Charlie have a new little friend whom I am calling Godot. So far, I have not gotten a good picture of him. In contrast to the play, it’s Godot’s arrival that causes the waiting. He comes up on the deck, peers into the window and/or grabs some fallen seeds from the bird feeder, then dances up on the rail and away. Then the waiting commences.

By the large thud I just heard, I surmise that Godot has made an effort to get on the bird feeder and acquire his seeds first hand.


Squirrels and birds do not appear to like flour tortillas, in case you were wondering. I miss my raccoons and possums and skunks. What does one do with chicken bones in suburbia?

Today has been a gray day, feeling much colder than it really is. It has been one of those days that would be greatly improved by a fire, a good book and a nap. Instead, I made attempt #2 at peanut butter granola, listened to Stephen Frye talk about his life and edited a paper by a friend of mine to help with his French to English translation issues. The day is closing and I have no further observations for this week.

it’s a mystery


Some days my back says I must use the wheelchair cushion. Other days, it forbids that I even think about using the cushion. Some days Zoe says that the cushion is her’s.

Some kind soul sent me two place settings of my favorite fiestaware. There was no gift tag in the box and I would really like to thank whoever sent them. They are starting me on my way to a complete – and probably multicolored set. But please let me know who you are – privately if you prefer – and accept my thanks!

in which I will end up feeling stupid

Well, I continue to work on making this house a home. A lot of the time it doesn’t feel very real. I think perhaps I need some goals – something to be moving toward. So much of the last decade has been sitting around in my little boat, sometimes complaining, sometimes searching, but I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward that much. Perhaps that is just life, eh? What did you dream of when you were a kid? Are you where you expected to be? Where do we go from here?

But for now, working on the home thing.

It’s really kind of funny, I used to collect cows and when I moved the last time, I got rid of most of my cows. In my head, I had just a few that I really loved left. However, when I unpacked them, I had this whole corner shelf filled with cows. Plus more I repacked in a “possible garage sale” box. And then, I found another box of cows – mostly plushies. I guess I will have several boxes of things to possibly sell or give away. We’ll see how much when I get everything unpacked.


I have put the irreplaceable hand painted forget-me-not set in my blue cupboard as planned. Plus a few knick knacks. I’m not sure those are the ones that will stay there. On top will go the platter and coffee set that match.


The blue shelf became overly filled with mooses. I’ve taken down the Christmas mooses but there are still too many mooses. I was the one that started collecting moose. Then my parents decided they liked them too. Now I have both collections. And not enough space. Ever. I can’t find my fish yet but I have some fish and other things that will break up the moose. Perhaps I will have to rotate things. I have a crap ton of snowmen to come out next Christmas.


My helper’s grandfather is ill this week and in hospital. I took myself to the store yesterday and survived. It was a bit more difficult not having help but I did it. It’s good to know that I can if I need to.

Oh, does anyone have a garage door opener? Shortly after I moved in, T and I went out and when we came back the garage door was open. Could not figure out what had happened as I was a little concerned that someone around here was cloning the opener frequency. But then, yesterday I paused in the drive while it was going down. Then when I started to back out, I looked up and the door was going up again. No apparent reason but it stayed down the second time. Ideas?

Now I am going to feel a little be dumb. Hannah asked me to make a wishlist for housewarming gifts. I have had one going on Amazon, adding and taking away things as I got a feel for what I need here. Or just want. Please don’t anyone feel like you need to buy me presents but I remember a few folks who wanted the list, so here you go…

Amazon, by the way, should provide you with my address and promises not to spoil my surprises.

Housewarming Link:

two steps back

Just yesterday I was thrilled to have the house cleaned up and bit and starting to feel like home. Then we emptied three tubs of hand painted china and knick knacks. And two boxes of mooses and other knick knacks. While it was fun to go through things I had forgotten I even had, it left my recently cleared table like this.



By the way, my new phone actually takes pretty good pictures, if I could just stop my hands from shaking so much.