“And how are you?” said Winnie-the-Pooh.
Eeyore shook his head from side to side.
“Not very how,” he said. “I don’t seem to have felt at all how for a long time.”
~A A Milne, Winnie the Pooh
It’s been a long time since I’ve written again. I realized some weeks ago that I had taken a trip to the magical swamp of depression again. Not surprising, really, when I sit back and look at it. I’ve had a lot of stress and changes and losses in my life the last couple years and things are quieting down into a new normal now. Cue depression. This too shall pass.
Around the same time I realized this, a new-ish blog acquaintance posted about being depressed. I wanted so much to comment, but I couldn’t. I’m too new, I’m not really a part of his circle and of the comments I’ve made lately, some few have seemed to offend or anger where no offence was intended. It’s not a good time to take that risk. I still read.
Also around the same time, this article from Mental Floss appeared in my newsfeed. I really liked the way it described some of the symptoms of depression, especially the first three listed, even if the article itself is basically fluff.
1. EVERYTHING IS HARD.
“Executive function” is the technical term for the tiny emperor that lives in your brain, kicking in when you can’t go on automatic and have to concentrate or make a decision. Depression can cause executive dysfunction, making it very hard to convince yourself to sort the laundry, return a phone call, finish a project, or wash the dishes. If these small tasks are piling up, don’t blame yourself—but pay attention.
2. EVERYTHING IS BORING.
Depression is like emotional bleach. It can suck the color and life out of everything, from conversations with friends to your favorite TV show. Anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure, is a very common symptom that makes it hard to focus or care about the things that used to bring you alive.
3. EVERYONE IS ANNOYING.
Does everybody and everything push your buttons these days? Has your fuse gotten shorter? Irritability is a classic but less well-known symptom that, like anhedonia, can cause people to push their now-aggravating loved ones away and become isolated. Some studies have found that depression with irritability may be a separate, more intense subtype of the illness.
At any rate, I promised to update a couple people.
The house is nearly done. Well, once I can get to the photos and other things that go on the walls. I have some boxes left to sort and I’m loosely planning a garage sale at some point. Perhaps not this summer as I expect this summer to be taken up with medical/pain crap.
I have an MRI under anesthesia in a few weeks. The CT with contrast was not clear enough. I continue to root for a non-surgical solution so please feel free to root in your own way for something besides surgery that alleviates some pain.
I am not sure whether I am on a long blogging hiatus or whether I am a retired blogger. I’m not sure it makes much difference but I do know that this is not the time to decide. Besides, I do plan to post some pictures of the house. It’s kind of funny… At times I have felt that the house is not “adult” enough. What with my moose collection and my duckies in the bathroom. But then I decided that it is a pretty good reflection of who I am. Screw being an “adult.”
I’m not sure what else to say.