so many things

It’s one of those nights.

You know, I keep meaning to write. There are so many little things I want to tell you. I think about it and I seem to find other things that need to be done. Or maybe it’s just a hard day with too much pain. Or maybe I’m lonely.

Which is weird, you know. Because I’m isolating, aren’t I? I am so far behind even online.  I have stacks of posts to read (even having deleted all the non-friend posts in my feed). I miss you all.

And since I don’t know anyone here  like, I don’t know the ladies at the grocery store or the nice guy at the post office who, if he sees me drive in, will get my mail and meet me at the door before I can even get the walker out of the car. I don’t know the folks at the pharmacy who will come out to my car and talk with me instead of making me walk in.

I didn’t have a lot of friends in Shell Knob. I still talk to my old neighbor most days. I’m just…. more alone here.

I hope to change that. It’s still a small town but surely it has something I can get involved in. Right now, I am still pretty much house bound. I will tell you stories soon.

Tonight I just wanted to say hi and that I’m thinking of you. And I hope it’s not too needy to say that I hope you sometimes think of me.

 

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8 thoughts on “so many things”

  1. I think of you ALL THE TIME and wish I were closer. I know we would have some great chats. Why do true friends have to live so far away? I hope you make those connections; I understand that the efforts are exhausting and intimidating. You will adjust to the changes, but it does take time. Love you!! xoxo

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    1. I wish we were closer, too. But not perhaps up there where it snows…. This is our second or third? winter without snow – at least so far. Weird. I am slowly adjusting – some things aren’t really different, I think I’m just really frustrated to be so dependent on other people right now. But thanks for taking the time to listen. It was a bad night.

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    1. Thank you Snoskred! I am still reading, by the way, just not making much inroads on catching up with commenting. I especially love your chook stories.

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  2. I clicked on the link and was taken directly here. I don’t know what happened before, but let’s blame it on WP, shall we? 😉 It couldn’t have been my error, right?

    Your new house looks lovely. I can imagine how emotional it was for you to sign for it. Grieving emotions + anxiety can strike at the weirdest moments.

    I wonder if as you adjust to your new normal doing more small things for yourself will become second nature. That is, you’ll forget about the pharmacy folks coming out to you. Don’t know how that helps you exactly, but it does seem to me that you’re on an adventure that may ultimately be your making– not your unmaking.

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    1. Well, WP does go down from time to time. I’m happy to blame them over you.

      When I am able to walk into a store without assistance again, I will feel more confident in my independence. It has been a frustrating year for sure. I could take the walker in, but in the grocery store or walmart, I don’t want to abandon it where someone else could walk off with it. I just got a new mattress which did leave me in less pain this morning so I’m hoping that’s a step toward walking better. 🙂

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  3. I think of you probably every day, more than once or twice too. So we’re out here — your cyberfriends! I’m always thrilled when I discover a post from you. I do, however, miss the old days when I got an email notice with each new post. Now that I’m a Twitter whore, harsh term I know, I don’t regularly check the few blogs I still follow. But I’ll get better. I DO subscribe to feedly.com so I have no excuse for not checking. I’ll get better.

    It sounds like you have a good start on getting to know people, since there seem to be some friendly and helpful people in your midst. The mailman and the pharmacy staff. They sound like caring, friendly people. I’m not a church-goer myself but that’s always a place to find good souls (well, almost always I guess — depends sometimes on the church, eg, Westboro Baptist Church in KS which is a collection of deplorable people, thank you HRC for that pungent word). And libraries. Book discussion groups can be great places to meet people. Of course sometimes you have to read bad books in order to be engaged but it’s a small price to pay for having some good conversations. And while I fully understand your avoidance of all things political these days, you might consider finding the local Democratic Party headquarters near you and getting involved with them. I visited a friend yesterday, one who obsesses over DJT (ugh) as much as I do. She mentioned that those of us worried about the state of the country, and the world, at least have the strong bonds of friendship that he seems to bring out in like-minded people.

    I was so glad to see the name of your previous town–Shell Knob. I’ve now studied it on Google maps, one of the most entertaining ways to waste a lot of computer time. I hope you can tell me, maybe in an email if you don’t want to put it here, the town you’re now living in. No snow for 3 winters!! In southern MO, right? I always think of MO as a state with extremely hot summers and harsh winters, but what do I know? I’ve lived my entire life within 10-15 miles of the White House and that kind of isolation can be harmful to learning.

    I wish I blogged every day, or at least every few days like Margaret does. And I wish you did too. A blogger I’ve followed for years recently returned to blogging after being AWOL for several years (b/c of Facebook I think). http://kittbo.blogspot.com/. She encouraged me to resume blogging and one thing she said stayed with me: a blog post can be just a picture and a few words about an interesting observation on pretty much anything we see in the course of a day, or words to that effect. I was motivated by that simple thought but alas, the motivation went away. Maybe all this clacking at the computer right now (!) will give me the push I needed to resume blogging. I’ll make a deal with you: if you’ll blog more often I will too. A blog challenge of sorts. That will probably mean many posts from me about birds, flowers, and bumper stickers but at least that’s a shout-out to my little blogging world.

    Your pal! Pam

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    1. Hiya Pam! It is always good to see you. I keep wondering how you’re doing but I don’t want to bother you. Yeah, I know. I’m a bit neurotic. There is, by the way, a “follow blog via email” link on the sidebar there if you want to get notifications again.

      I am hoping to find some things to do up here. I am not a church goer either and there seems to be one on every corner. But there is a library, bigger than the one in Shell, and I hope they have book groups or something there. I will be looking for other social things as well. And when my back improves, maybe there will be something volunteer wise I can do. We do have a small local hospital. I met a neighbor but that’s a story for another day.

      I will send you the exact addresses via email so you can play around with street view and see the neighborhoods. I’m not sure that Shell has the street view yet, at least in our neighborhood, but still you can zoom in via maps a bit. I love playing on Google and spent a lot of time wandering neighborhoods of houses I was interested in – and still missed what a horrible run down area that some of those houses were in.

      I accept your blog challenge. There are many little stories to tell about the move and settling in. Of course, what I will write when I’m done with those is in question but I often want to just write a quick note about some observation or something I’m thinking about and I never seem to actually do it. So let’s do it!

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