in which I demonstrate what a catty bitch I really am…

My favorite news story of the day… week… month… possibly forever.

From the New Yorker

DECEMBER 17, 2015
Lawyer for Martin Shkreli Hikes Fees Five Thousand Per Cent

ROOKLYN (The Borowitz Report)—A criminal lawyer representing Turing Pharmaceuticals chief Martin Shkreli has informed his client that he is raising his hourly legal fees by five thousand per cent, the lawyer has confirmed.

Minutes after Shkreli’s arrest on charges of securities fraud, the attorney, Harland Dorrinson, announced that he was hiking his fees from twelve hundred dollars an hour to sixty thousand dollars.

Shkreli, who reportedly received the news about the price hike while he was being fingerprinted, cried foul and accused his attorney of “outrageous and inhumane price gouging.”

“This is the behavior of a sociopath,” Shkreli was heard screaming.

For his part, Shkreli’s lawyer was unmoved by his client’s complaint. “Compared to what he pays for an hour of Wu-Tang Clan, sixty thou is a bargain,” he said.


At first, not being very familiar with Mr. Borowitz (I’m now a fan), I figured this had to be from the Onion. Such a pity it was satire.

The real story is nearly as good. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up.

Shkreli from the New Yorker
Blatantly stolen from the New Yorker article – I hope this is considered fair use.

A few months ago, Martin Shkreli, the thirty-two-year-old founder and former C.E.O. of Turing Pharmaceuticals, became a poster child for everything that’s wrong with American business when his company raised the price of its drug Daraprim, which is used to treat life-threatening parasitic infections, by a cool five thousand per cent. But, while Shkreli had to weather plenty of bad publicity, he had a ready-made defense: though his strategy for Daraprim may have been egregious, it was also perfectly legal. Unfortunately for Shkreli, the same cannot be said of securities fraud and wire fraud, the crimes with which he was charged on Thursday. The government’s indictment alleges that Shkreli deceived investors in hedge funds that he ran prior to founding Turing, and that he paid some of his hedge-fund investors back with money that he took from Retrophin, a biopharmaceutical company he started in 2011. (Shkreli denied the charges, and was released on a five-million-dollar bond. On Friday, he resigned as Turing’s C.E.O.)


I wouldn’t normally revel in someone’s misfortune – but this guy, who so heartlessly price-gouged a life saving medication seems, at least from what is reported, to totally deserve what he’s getting. Read the full article as I cannot hope to sum up the charges against him in a reasonable way. And I hope that I don’t get on Santa’s naughty list by doing a little dance.


6 thoughts on “in which I demonstrate what a catty bitch I really am…”

  1. Andy Borowitz is the best! Glad you are also a fan. If I could limit my online news reading to The Onion and Andy I’d be a much happier person. And maybe we should broaden the definition of “terrorist” to include people like Martin Shkreli.


    1. The Onion sometimes gets on my nerves for trying too hard to be funny, but I’m going to have to make a point of reading Andy Borowitz’s column. I generally avoid too much news but one has to have some….


  2. I agree with you about the Onion. Some of the articles are over the top which changes them from satire to farce. Being relieved that Karma truly is a bitch doesn’t make you one. 🙂 It means you’re human!


    1. Meow! I almost feel sorry for the guy since I imagine a huge part of the population is doing the happy karma dance. But wouldn’t you think these guys would get a clue that they’re going to be found out? How stupid do you have to be?


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