I have good intentions, I really do. In many ways, I just don’t have anything to write about.
I fell down the rabbit hole earlier this week. Funny, kind of, that I had trouble figuring out why. I finished up the death paperwork including a stupid insurance form that wanted all the doctors Mom had seen and when and why for the past 5 years. For $1700 I’m not digging through 5 years of paperwork for every emergency room visit and hospitalization etc. They get the nursing home doctors names and the last ER visit.
Anyway, the paperwork is off in the mail.
I visited with Dad last week when I went to meet with hospice. His doctor recommended hospice with some vague thing about his COPD. The social worker and I both thought that nothing had changed with his health but I agreed to talk with hospice — although I didn’t jump immediately despite the girl I talked with who would be better suited as a used car salesman. Honestly, after talking with her I was ready to tell hospice to take a flying leap.
But, I had met a really nice woman from their program the night Mom died. She stayed with Mom and the nurse while I was driving over there and she stayed with me. She helped clean up Mom. So I felt I had to give them a chance.
I met with a nice nurse who said that when she had seen Dad a couple days before that his legs were purple and blood was dripping off of them. Really scary stuff. However, it turned out to simply be an allergy to a new cream the doctor had prescribed. Dad is fine, his legs are back to their normal – for him – selves. He’s not on hospice. Crisis averted.
It’s been an exceptionally bad week for pain. Weather change? I don’t know. The weather has actually been really nice but it is supposed to maybe snow tomorrow. Maybe it’s just residual from the fall.
It’s been a struggle to get anything done. Depression, pain, lack of sleep. And trying not to feel sorry for myself or beat myself up too much.
I did get three new recipes written up. And over the past few weeks I’ve updated a bunch of recipes with photos. You see, I’d like to join the Secret Recipe Club. I ran into it on another blog. A bunch of food bloggers get assigned another blog to pick a recipe from and make and post about. It sounds like a good way to meet more people. But you know me. It’s taking a risk. It’s reaching out to strangers. Hell, I made a comment on another food blog earlier this week and while she has responded to every other comment made – she hasn’t even approved mine. So, I don’t know that I will join the club but one of the requirements is to post at least weekly to keep new recipes available. I’m not that consistent but for the past few months, even when I haven’t been posting new I’ve been updating old recipes. Like Pumpkin Scones.
So maybe. I’ve been writing more over at Chickens and Eggs than I have here. And I have even less followers there.
Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day. As far as I’m concerned, a holiday designed to make those of us who are alone feel bad about ourselves. I don’t usually feel bad about being alone. Just once in a while someone goes on and on about how anyone can find someone. The someones I’ve found have not been someones I wanted to keep. Alone is better. But once in a while I wish it was different. That I was different.