today I realized…

robin williams death

Source: The Nib: I want to Live

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7 thoughts on “today I realized…”

  1. I’m one of those people who imagines that she would Push The Button if one existed. Several times a week I think it. I don’t consider myself a suicide risk, or dangerously depressed, but the fact that I’ve wanted to not exist for so many decades makes me think that it’s just a part of me I’ll never get rid of. Antidepressants helped, especially when I first started taking them about 20 yrs ago. And having children helps — the desire to protect them from pain is much stronger than the desire to disappear. But I’m not sure it’s unhealthy to want to vanish. When a writer I admired, Hunter S. Thompson, shot himself a few years ago I understood. His health had declined and he always was a bit of a show-off (he had his ashes shot into space with some sort of rocket launcher). His end seemed fitting. I fully support the four brave US states that allow physician-assisted suicide. But all of this is what goes on in my head and I won’t know until I’m closer to the end if I would ever act on these thoughts.

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    1. I get that, I think. On the one hand, I’m betting that most people would have days that they would happily push the button. It’d be nice if there were another button that could bring you back. A time off from life would be kind of nice. But even when I’m really, really depressed and I have thoughts about death, I don’t really want to die. I think that there are circumstances where that could change – Alzheimer’s for instance. I have no children and I think my friends would understand if it comes to that in twenty years or so.

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    2. I live in one of those states and my late husband wanted to take advantage of our Death With Dignity, but was probably unable to qualify by the time we got it in motion. He was very ready to die at the end of his 2 year battle with cancer; it was awful to watch him lose everything.

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      1. I’m considering moving to one of those states just in case of future need. Though the paperwork looked frustrating and kind of dumb if it couldn’t have helped Patt when he needed it. I know it’s a complicated issue but living for as long as they can keep you alive with machines, etc., is not all it’s cracked up to be. But even states with doctor assisted suicide, as far as I know, don’t have a provision for mental illness and/or dementia.

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        1. No, they don’t. In fact one has to pass a mental health screen(not sure he could have near the end) and be able to administer the medication oneself. (he couldn’t have)

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