some thoughts


I meant to update y’all before this. After some dancing around last week and getting the thing approved, the surgeon’s office called and rescheduled me for August 27th. Sort of a good thing? My neighbor’s father died and she’s having a really hard time. Her S.O. is going to drive me but I think everyone would prefer that he’s there for her right now. I wish I had other options and didn’t have to bother them at all. On the other hand, it prolongs my stress and the annoying symptoms of a band that needs to come out.

It was a sleepy weekend here. Perhaps that is backlash from the surgery stress? There was so much I wanted to get done and didn’t. But, I suppose nothing that won’t wait a few days.

I am deeply saddened by Robin Williams’ death. As someone who also deals with recurrent depression, it’s both hard to see someone who has given up the fight and it’s so understandable that he did. He touched so many people with his comedy and acting and yet he apparently still had that dark place inside. Something we shared.

We’ve talked about depression before. How, like the weather, it doesn’t always stay dark and gloomy, the sun will come out again. But as everyone with depression knows, the sunshine doesn’t last. The dark and gloomy is just waiting to return. And sometimes, even when the sun is shining, you can’t help wondering when the dark will come again and whether you’ll survive it this time.

I didn’t know him. I have no clue what he was going through. But I wonder whether he had just had enough of the dark. Whether he just couldn’t take it one more time. Or whether this time, he didn’t believe the sun was coming back one day.

I’m so sorry for his family and friends. I hope that he has found peace.


4 thoughts on “some thoughts”

  1. I feel the same about RW. We all have our dark sides and moments. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. I have dealt with suicide before and it’s so incredibly tough on the family and friends. What could I have done? Why wasn’t I more there for that person? Postponing the surgery is a good/bad thing. At times, you’re just ready to get it done. (like Alison leaving, which is now next week–she’s antsy and I’m just trying to chill out)


    1. Waiting sucks. I hope you and Allison are able to have some fun together before she goes.

      I’ve read some really good things about depression since Robin William’s death – some people who really understand. And some stupid people. I’m afraid that understanding doesn’t really help those left behind. And stupid people should just shut up.

      This article was particularly good (mostly) although I disagree that living with depression isn’t a battle. I get what he’s saying but it is a fight, at least to me. Sometimes it’s a fight to just endure. The myth of battling depression.


  2. Waiting for surgery is difficult. I feel for you. Still, at least you’re on the schedule.

    I like your description about how depression works. It makes sense to me. If nothing else, RW’s untimely death has brought this topic into focus for many people who might not have even thought about it before.

    I want a sleepy weekend. I need a sleepy weekend. I hope to make the upcoming one about as sleepy as possible. You’re my inspiration. 🙂


    1. Yeah, there’s a lot of conversation about depression and suicide going on around the web and most of it, I think, is pretty good. There are those who keep harping on how selfish suicide is and I just think those people don’t understand depression at all.

      Sleepy weekends? I recommend drugs. And then, every time you get up for a little while, no matter what you have to do, lay back down. Tell yourself you’re just going to read a little while. Or you’ll get up and get whatever done soon. Then take a nap. Good luck!


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