waking up screaming

evil dad

I keep having these dreams where Dad is evil and trying to kill me. And it’s only now, when I’ve woken myself up screaming, that I remember that it’s a recurring dream. Tonight he did something to my car – cut the brakes? – and twisted a knife out of my hands.

How did the knife get in my hands? I picked it up. Because whenever, in my dreams, he’s around he’s trying to kill me. He shows up unexpectedly and always has such an evil grin on his face, making sure I know I can’t do anything to stop him.

Tonight’s dream included other things, like me reading some article about architecture and somehow actually being there. But the dream is starting to fade. Except for the horror of Dad. And the awareness that this is not the first time I’ve had this dream.

What the hell? Oh, and I scared the hell out of one of the cats who was sleeping with me. Not sure which one. It was just bad enough that I didn’t want to go back to sleep, at least not right away.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “waking up screaming”

  1. I sympathise Zazzy. I don’t know much but I gather you’ve always had a bit of a difficult relationship with your dad and it sounds like that’s coming through in your dreams. I had a very tricky one with my mum, and even now, nearly 30 years since I last saw her, I still have recurring dreams similar to what you are describing, or set in the area we lived when I was a child, even if she’s not actually in them. Horrific, but only a dream. I tell myself it’s my subconscious having a clear out, making room for other nicer stuff. Hope you are feeling calmer now, what a truly unpleasant way to start the day – hope it gets better.

    Like

    1. Yeah, my first thought was that I feel guilty I don’t go see him more often. But I have always had a difficult relationship with him, as you say, and there is a part of me that simply doesn’t want to go. I’m sort of glad to hear I’m not the only one having demon dreams of a parent – but sorry you are experiencing them too.

      Like

      1. They used to bother me more, not so much these days. They always make me grateful that I got out alive and semi-sane. 🙂 At least I have the benefit of lots of time having passed. You still have your dad in your life and I can’t blame you for not wanting to go to see him. I like your phrase “Demon Dreams”, very apt! Keep smiling – remember that phrase about the best revenge is to live well despite…

        Like

        1. I do a lot of denial that things were that bad. At least he never chased me and tried to kill me in real life. Hmmm. Living well, eh? I should do that.

          Like

  2. Well, those sound like awful dreams. I suppose that your subconscious is working through some issues and this is how the change is manifesting itself? Not pleasant, but necessary perhaps. I agree with Polly: living well is the best revenge.

    And as for your kitty cat who didn’t sign up to be unceremoniously kicked out of bed, I send my sympathies. Poor little thing…

    Like

    1. My subconscious needs to shut up and let me sleep. 🙂 My former shrink would probably love the dreams.

      When I laid back down, both kitties came and napped with me so I don’t think whoever it was I scared was too traumatized.

      Like

  3. I have nightmares about Patt and in them, he is sometimes not sick but just leaving me and other times he is dying, yet things aren’t right between us. It’s strange how the subconscious plays out the grief and loneliness and fears.

    Like

    1. Dreams are frequently strange. Either there’s some deep down complicated message or it’s all a bunch of crap. I believe in the subconscious working stuff out as you sleep – though I’m not happy with the things I’ve come up with on my dream so far. But I could live without nightmares. Perhaps a nice memo instead.

      Like

Comments are closed.