This is a post about diabetes. And frustration. It’s about lots and lots of frustration.
I wrote several paragraphs earlier. You know, the history of my diabetes and the explanation of terms and whatnot. All of this buildup to say – damn it’s driving me nuts. Monday was endo day and I went in armed, I talked with Wil and got his input, especially on what to talk about with my endo. And nothing really happened.
My blood sugar feels out of control. I can’t get it down even when my diet is perfect and my diet is rarely perfect. He wants me to stay at 70 units of fast acting insulin per day (along with 30 units of lantus) and that does not keep my blood sugar anywhere near “normal” anymore. I took 90 units Monday morning and tried not to eat anything to would raise my sugar and was still driving above 230 mg/dL. And that’s crazy.
And it’s crazy that I can even sort of function at that level. Typically it makes me sleep. A zero-carb energy drink was helping me to stay awake; at home – that’s why I fall asleep in the afternoon. Last week I had a high of almost 400 and it totally messes with my ability to do the things I need to do or go the places I need to go.
The good news is that I remain healthy despite the high blood sugars. I need to lose weight – yes, I know that. It’s hard to do for everyone, it’s harder when your blood sugar is high. When your blood sugar is high you are constantly craving food. I’m not hungry per se, but you don’t absorb nutrients properly and your body keeps telling you to eat! Eat! I’m weak at night, in particular. I just want the cravings to shut up. And I’m not perfect by any means when my blood sugar is normal. Just saying.
I really like my endo, I’ve said so before. He’s always been really supportive of me. Plus, he never fails to ask about Dad. He helped me a lot, getting Dad into different services. I trust him.
But I disagree with him about the insulin. I understand that increasing the insulin enough to control the blood sugar can cause weight gain. But uncontrollable cravings from high blood sugar doesn’t help either. He really does not want to increase the insulin. He is adamant. I am frustrated. He does give me enough insulin to have extra for those days I really have to drive somewhere but that’s not something I can do all the time. He doubled my metformin which may help, that will take time to tell. I’m not all that hopeful, I’ve tried it before but perhaps not for long enough.
I trust him, but I don’t agree with him. But I will keep trying to eat healthy and not graze at night and lose some weight. I know that would help. And I’ll keep considering the weight loss surgery option. It may really be the only thing that can get my weight down fast enough to get my blood sugar down before it does significant damage to one of my organs.
End of rant. It is, I suppose, possible to force myself to do stuff even when I’m fighting just to stay awake. It is possible to ignore those cravings even in the middle of the night when I am weak. I will keep trying.