No, the picture has nothing to do with the post. But isn’t the dogwood lovely? And hopeful. Spring is such a hopeful time and I need a little hope right now.
I referenced in this post that I can see myself dying if I don’t make changes. I got my blood tests done yesterday. Some things remain okay, but my liver function is going downhill, my hbA1c is worse, cholesterol is still upside down (though overall okay, the hdls are low and the ldls are high). My vitamin D levels also remain low. They’re better than they were last fall, but still about half of normal. Apparently low vitamin D can cause tiredness, aching, weakness, etc.
I’m 51 years old and I feel so old. Most of my health issues are related to my weight. I need, NEED to get my weight down.
I try. I am trying to eat more vegetables and fruits, lean meats, etc. I lose control with the carbs now and then and I just don’t seem to be able to stick with a “diet.” It doesn’t seem like it should be that hard. Eat less, move more. How hard is that.
Dr. Endo wants me to consider roux-en-y or the gastric sleeve surgery. Between the two, I think I am leaning toward the sleeve. There are fewer risks for malnutrition and other complications common with roux-en-y.
But, I feel like such a failure with the lap-band. I did so well, then gained all the weight back. Am I really going to be able to make the changes necessary for success with another surgery? What if I fail again? Your body adjusts to all the surgeries. You can regain the weight fairly easily. If I lose weight, am I just going to gain it back again? Why can’t I just eat better and move more and lose weight like a normal person?
And I’m scared. The surgery itself scares me. I hate general anesthesia, it makes me feel like I’m dying. There are risks to any surgery, of course. It’s going to hurt financially plus, as I’ve said before, I don’t have the kind of friends here that I can rely on to drive me back and forth to the hospital. It’s complicated. It’s scary. I don’t even know if I will qualify for the surgery. Before the lap-band I had to show that I could follow the diet and lose weight. I’m not doing well with following any diet these days.
I’m feeling doomed. I need to come to a decision, I need to commit to something. I see Dr. Endo in a couple weeks. I don’t know whether I want to go see my lap-band surgeon or choose someone new. Probably old surgeon is a good idea. He sort of knows me and I know the staff there. One step at a time. Make a choice first.
Sometimes I feel so alone down here. I wish my friends lived closer.