I’m feeling stuck. I feel stuck in my writing. I feel stuck in my life. I feel stuck in my ongoing goals. I feel stuck making changes.
Two things that are making me think this morning, Maura’s words project. I like the way she is approaching desired feelings. I like it but I’m not doing it yet.
And Ally Bean’s thoughts on encouragement. She doesn’t understand the discouragers in her life and wants to be a more authentic encourager.
My first response to reading Ally’s thoughts was very much my usual. I know about the discouragers. I grew up with those people who believed that discouragement was motivation. Try something new? Let’s say, try a new diet. Those discouragers told me I would fail. They made sure I knew that I had always failed and I would fail again. This was motivating, they said. Motivating because I would try harder to prove them wrong. Which didn’t happen. Do we see a pattern that carries on to today? Does it work?
So I started thinking about what I need as far as encouragement goes. It’s still easier to look at what I don’t need. I have had the false cheerleaders in my life as well as the – what should we call them? The negative motivators? I don’t know. The false cheerleaders are nearly as bad. But they are very, very hard to describe. I think you know them when you hear them, but since I also know that I cannot always trust my perceptions, it’s possible that they are truly trying to be encouraging. Perhaps we can think of them as the “everything is going to be fine” group. That’s not realistic, that’s a pat on the back. Not what I need either.
What do I need?
I think encouragement begins at home. I think I cannot continue to flail at myself with the discouragement masked as motivation. I can’t continue to tell myself that I’m going to fail as if that is going to make me try harder. I already know it won’t. I can’t continue to believe I will fail if I am going to get myself to try at all. On the other hand, I can’t pat myself on the back and say “there, there, everything is going to be okay.” That is how it feels when I try to change.
I think I either have to live with things the way they are, to totally accept them, or do something truly different.
Perhaps Maura’s word project – a change of perspective.
I am, however, going to continue to work on my ongoing goals. I think they do make a difference. Change is just much slower than I would like.