good morning and happy january

Well it’s the first Monday morning in 2014. It’s time to be thinking about goals. I am eating the last of my frozen caramelized bacon, apple and cheddar tarts so making more of those goes on my goal list, but perhaps some more self-improvement type goals are also in order.

It’s interesting that a number of bloggers are looking at less traditional, less self-punishing goals for 2014. In addition to our friend Maura, who has inspired me to consider what my desired feelings are and how to achieve them, I’d swear I saved the links for several other relevant posts but I can only seem to find two this morning.

One is 12 Changes for 2014 from Zen Habits. Despite the fact that he was selling his program, the ideas for changes spoke to me. Mindfulness, self compassion, letting go of expectations – are all good things and fit into my ideas of how I want to feel.

The other is What it Means to Just Be Yourself… by Tiny Buddha. Her contention is that who we really are is the person that is left once we drop all the fears and conditioned thinking we’ve adopted over the years. I like that. It addresses that conflict between accepting who I am and being better.

But then, there is also the practical. I’ve been working on and struggling with the eating issues for years and I’ve made some good changes over the last six months or so. I’m cooking more, eating less processed foods, less junk foods (though I went off the rails some over the holidays) and I’m trying to eat when I’m hungry and not eat just out of habit. Those are all good things. I’m not perfect, though, and while I don’t expect to be, I could be doing better. There is a particular time late in the evening before bed that I am definitely eating when I’m not hungry and carbs are what my head is demanding. And of course, the 3AM and I can’t sleep eating.

Those things are important too. My blood sugar is being insane – we’ll see what Dr. G&P has to say later this month. My arthritis – knees, hips, and back – is making life difficult. I really need to start losing some weight and getting those things back under control. On the surface, those things feel counter to my nice zen goals for finding more peace and contentment in my life – but are they really? If I felt better surely I would also feel more peaceful and content.

As much as I loathe it, I think I need to start tracking food and counting calories again. After some fighting with their tech crew (someone else had, accidentally or otherwise, used my email address to set up an account and I wanted my email off that account) I signed up for myfitnesspal. I haven’t actually used it yet because I am so very resistant to calorie counting. Still, I think it’s the only way to get that part of my eating issues under control. It feels like an emergency. It feels like I have to make the changes right now. And to some degree, those feelings are true. I don’t know, it makes me anxious. It makes me feel very stressed. I am struggling to resolve the feeling goals and the practical goals.

Coming soon: the ongoing goals, the feeling goals, and the attempts to find balance.

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8 thoughts on “good morning and happy january”

  1. I was diagnosed with T2 the end of August. My a1c was 12. EEEP. Within 2 months I got that down to 8.1 and lost 25 lbs. I had lost more before the dx, (probably from having high bg and not knowing it, I had a yeast infection all summer and my gums were bleeding and I have been a nurse for ages, but there is no denial like nurse denial.) for a total of 60lbs lost. I am following atkinsish habits, keeping the carbs way down. I eat zero concentrated sweets. Not even tempted and regard them as poison. Russell Stover makes a line of sugar free chocolates which I have learned to like. When the urge is strong for a treat I eat 2 or 3 of those. Too many and I fart like a wind-broke horse. I am taking 100mg of Januvia and 1500 mg of metformin daily. Still not reaching the fasting I would like to see (post prandials are ok 180 or less but fastings are higher than I wan running 93-125) so may ask to up the metformin to 4x a day. I am determined not to have to take insulin. Positive thoughts always welcome. 😉

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    1. Hey Nicole, sorry that you joined the club. I remember the 6 months or so before I was diagnosed that I had bladder infection after bladder infection – and was still in denial. Good job on getting the weight down! I suck at keeping my carbs low, but I keep working on it. You know that the better control you have and keeping the weight down – to decrease insulin resistance – the better shot you have at staying off the insulin.

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  2. I think it’s always a balancing act between feeling peaceful and loving oneself and yet setting healthy goals and being determined to achieve them. Self-acceptance is a double edged sword; will that impede the necessary changes because we feel too comfortable and don’t see the need to better ourselves? I don’t have the answers, only questions.

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    1. I think that’s what I like about the Tiny Buddha thing. You’re not accepting that outer stuff that comes from free or negative self talk, you’re looking to accept your genuine self and free yourself from those fears. At least, that’s the way I read it. 🙂

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  3. Ditto what Margaret said. She is a wise woman.

    I suck at counting calories so I can understand your reluctance to do so. I’m better at keeping track of my diet by food group, i.e. 5 fruits + veggies per day. A more general, less anxiety-provoking way of doing things.

    I made your caramelized bacon, apple and cheddar tart recipe over the weekend. Delicious. Thanks for sharing it.

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    1. Once upon a time I was on Richard Simmon’s plan …can’t remember what it was called but he had little cards to represent different servings of fruits, veg, etc. There was no calorie counting and you didn’t have to write anything down, just move the cards around. I tried it again some years later and I guess I just wasn’t willing to do it then. Perhaps I could make something similar for myself. If I were a better programmer I’d make some kind of app with little digital cards to move around.

      You know, ’cause I’d rather work on a programming issue than actually do anything with the eating plan. 🙂

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  4. I also hate calorie counting. I have gotten better (but am still struggling) with the concept that although I am overweight, I still deserve to eat and feel satisfied with food. I am learning to respect and trust my body to tell me what it needs and how much… this is hard. It sounds so simple on paper, but it’s really hard. It gets easier as I get to know myself again and can better understand/anticipate what I need, but I don’t think it’ll ever get easy.

    I will say, though, that each time I get through a meal or a snack without feeling guilty or shameful about what I’m eating, I feel really really good. I don’t really notice at first, except that I know that the meal was delicious and felt great instead of feeling like I still need something, and then I realize that I wasn’t actively hating myself while eating and… yeah… that’s worth the work. I hope you’re getting closer to that goal because I am excited for you to get to feel this way too!

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    1. I really, really want to be able to listen to my body and eat what it needs. It is very hard and I think it’s really great that you are getting better at it. Gives me hope.

      How did you handle the habitual eating and/or grazing?

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