Well it’s the first Monday morning in 2014. It’s time to be thinking about goals. I am eating the last of my frozen caramelized bacon, apple and cheddar tarts so making more of those goes on my goal list, but perhaps some more self-improvement type goals are also in order.
It’s interesting that a number of bloggers are looking at less traditional, less self-punishing goals for 2014. In addition to our friend Maura, who has inspired me to consider what my desired feelings are and how to achieve them, I’d swear I saved the links for several other relevant posts but I can only seem to find two this morning.
One is 12 Changes for 2014 from Zen Habits. Despite the fact that he was selling his program, the ideas for changes spoke to me. Mindfulness, self compassion, letting go of expectations – are all good things and fit into my ideas of how I want to feel.
The other is What it Means to Just Be Yourself… by Tiny Buddha. Her contention is that who we really are is the person that is left once we drop all the fears and conditioned thinking we’ve adopted over the years. I like that. It addresses that conflict between accepting who I am and being better.
But then, there is also the practical. I’ve been working on and struggling with the eating issues for years and I’ve made some good changes over the last six months or so. I’m cooking more, eating less processed foods, less junk foods (though I went off the rails some over the holidays) and I’m trying to eat when I’m hungry and not eat just out of habit. Those are all good things. I’m not perfect, though, and while I don’t expect to be, I could be doing better. There is a particular time late in the evening before bed that I am definitely eating when I’m not hungry and carbs are what my head is demanding. And of course, the 3AM and I can’t sleep eating.
Those things are important too. My blood sugar is being insane – we’ll see what Dr. G&P has to say later this month. My arthritis – knees, hips, and back – is making life difficult. I really need to start losing some weight and getting those things back under control. On the surface, those things feel counter to my nice zen goals for finding more peace and contentment in my life – but are they really? If I felt better surely I would also feel more peaceful and content.
As much as I loathe it, I think I need to start tracking food and counting calories again. After some fighting with their tech crew (someone else had, accidentally or otherwise, used my email address to set up an account and I wanted my email off that account) I signed up for myfitnesspal. I haven’t actually used it yet because I am so very resistant to calorie counting. Still, I think it’s the only way to get that part of my eating issues under control. It feels like an emergency. It feels like I have to make the changes right now. And to some degree, those feelings are true. I don’t know, it makes me anxious. It makes me feel very stressed. I am struggling to resolve the feeling goals and the practical goals.
Coming soon: the ongoing goals, the feeling goals, and the attempts to find balance.