unintended hiatus

It seems my post last week was overly optimistic. Oh well, I’m not going to waste a lot of time complaining. It’s taking me a little longer to recover than I thought. But I’m feeling better now, just a bit slow, so I’m back!

So, back to those goals.

  • Move little table out to the living room so I have someplace to eat away from my desk (and not the kitchen bar). X
  • Eat dinner away from my desk. Decrease distractions so I can pay more attention to what I’m eating and how I’m feeling. X
  • Go through my closet and cull out the stuff I don’t wear.
  • Donate old clothes to the thrift store.
  • Move the boxes from the freezer room to the storeroom. X
  • Rearrange freezer so I can conveniently put in the freezer meals, soups, stews, etc., that I’m preparing now – and have one area of the stuff that needs to be thrown away or composted. X
  • Read the first chapter (well, re-read) of When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. Be honest with myself. X
  • Continue to block body hate/shame thoughts. X
  • Explore the local flea markets for creative ideas for my fairy garden.
  • Get a plumber out here. (well step 1, clean the bathroom well is done) X – scheduled for 11/26
  • Call handyman and get a commitment to the chores I need done. (waiting for callback)
  • Call the shrink.
  • Do the most needed of the upstairs chores.
  • Hire someone to clean upstairs at least monthly.
  • Mail baby gift. (rinse and block it first)

Now obviously, not everything is going to get done this week. For one thing, it seems my body needs more sleep after two weeks of essentially no sleep. Some of those things won’t take longer than a few minutes to a half hour, yet I keep putting them off. So I want to strike them off sooner than some of the other things. Some things are ongoing. Changing the self talk, changing how I cook, reading…. all of those will be ongoing.

Some things, like the phone calls, are there because I keep putting them off. I hate making phone calls. This is probably a depression thing.

I haven’t put a lot of “get out of the house” goals on the list, but they’re there in my head. I’m being really resistant to going out right now. Not sure where that’s coming from. It isn’t exactly anxiety. It isn’t exactly depression.

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8 thoughts on “unintended hiatus”

  1. It’s good to see you again! I hate making phone calls. I don’t think it’s a depression thing, but there is a tinge of anxiety to it for me… but mostly it’s hating talking over the phone.

    You do have two get out of the house goals — donating clothes and going to flea markets definitely count! If you cross the threshold of your house, it counts. It might not be a grand adventure, but getting back to celebrating the small successes is important. When I’m feeling crummy, checking my mail counts. It’s the normal human routine that helps me continue to feel human and connected, and requires me to get up and breathe in a little fresh air, even if it’s only 5 minutes worth. It all counts. Going to the flea market always feels like an adventure to me, though. There are always new things to look at and people watching is usually pretty great. I hope you have fun. 🙂

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    1. I really can’t put my finger on exactly why I hate making calls. Some anxiety, not liking to talk to people I don’t know, and because I’ve been so tired, not wanting to get the people in I need to do stuff around here. But it’s not new.

      One of my goals today was outside errands. Or maybe that’s 4 of my goals. No, 5. Grocery, bank, gas, post office (they don’t deliver on my street) and pharmacy. I got all that done. Yay.

      The flea market will be something of an adventure. And probably will wait a couple weeks. I wonder if they’ll be busy near Thanksgiving. Can you believe it’s almost Thanksgiving?

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      1. I cannot believe it’s almost Thanksgiving!!! Halloween is my favorite holiday and I’m trying to stretch it out just a little bit. It feels like the weeks are flying by, though. The flea markets might be a little chaotic around Thanksgiving, but they are sure to have fun wintery things.

        I had a realization the other day that a part of my anxiety about phone calls is talking to strangers, but it’s more talking to strangers without being able to use facial expressions as cues. Also, once my anxiety kicks in, it starts to affect my hearing somehow, and in person I can kind of read lips but over the phone I’m screwed. I will often write myself a script for phone calls… covering answers to questions that might be required of me, as well as the concerns I need to make sure to address. Even if I never use the script, it eases my anxiety to have it available and the calls go much smoother. Similarly, if I’m fairly sure that I’ll need to leave a voicemail, then I’ll write down what I want to say before making the call… so that I don’t ramble forever and run out of time!

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        1. Oh my, I totally agree on voicemails. I hate leaving voicemails. I babble. Also, if I’m at all nervous on a phone call, I don’t listen as well. Most times, though, once I’m connected to the person, I’m okay. It’s the actual calling that drives me nuts.

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  2. I put off making phone calls too; I think that a give and take conversation takes a LOT of energy. And time. I’ve gotten lazy with e-mails. I hope that you feel good enough to get some of these crossed off and accomplished. That’s always a step forward.

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    1. One step at a time, Margaret. I kind of hate not jumping to the end where my life is perfect…but that has never worked in the past. Sometimes baby steps feels an awful lot like standing still.

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  3. Waving hi. What a list of goals. Will the Lifehacker trick of listing the ones that are nagging the hell out of you and tackling those first help?

    About the phone – I have also come to hate making phone calls. And I forget. Like today – I need to make a doctor’s appointment. I forgot. Etc. Amazing, 20 years ago, I was negotiating contracts through voice mail! And now, I’m not sure I trust it.

    Back to work.
    Maura

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    1. Well it seems that I’m in good company as far as hating making phone calls goes. I thought I was being quite strange by putting them off.

      I’m hoping that the lifehacker tip helps – not sure, it’s part of what I’m thinking about today. Good to see you Maura!

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