As I consider last week’s goals, I thought this art piece was a good reminder. I have this pinned up beside my bed and I try to read it to myself before sleep.
Goals from last week
- Decrease distractions during meals by only having a video going. No doing several other things at the same time.
- Write down what I eat and when, without judgment, calorie counting, weighing and measuring, etc. This is only for observation.
- Pay attention when I’m eating. Slow down. Savor.
- I was really moved by the Unapologetic Posse. It seems like that website is not being updated but I am still going to grab the assignment to stop the fat talk. “Can you go a day without talking about your weight or using deprecating language in reference to your body?” I have this almost constant voice in my head telling me how fat and ugly I am and I’d really like to silence that voice. I think this will be an ongoing challenge for me. One day at a time.
- Start going through my closet and culling out what I’m not going to wear again.
- Pick something creative to do. Look upstairs and see what is in Mom’s closet. Sort through the recipes I have that I want to try. I particularly want to make soups and stews to freeze so perhaps pick one of them to try this week.
Well, it turned out to be harder to decrease distractions than I thought it would be. The first couple days went okay and then I’d find myself only noticing after a meal that I had something streaming and was answering email or writing a post or doing a puzzle or playing cards… That is such a habit. I also found, however, that I ate more slowly when I was doing something else – which is probably a good thing. But I paid less attention to what I was eating which means I wasn’t exactly savoring what I was eating or paying attention to whether I was full or not.
I got confused and missed part of a day writing stuff down and then I got sick and was grazing more, whenever I felt like eating. When I was writing stuff down, I did okay not judging myself. Much. The judgment came back when I lapsed writing food down. I did learn something I feel is important. I’ve known that I ate from boredom and frustration at not sleeping, but I also noticed that I tended to experience really sudden and unwarranted depression when not sleeping and then had a “what the hell” attitude toward eating. It’s hard to battle those feelings in the middle of the night so I have some thinking and experimenting to do.
My first behavioral goal went much better than I expected. Whenever the litany of how fat and ugly I am popped into my head, I was able to stop and remind myself that I wasn’t going to think that. Ask me whether that is what I still believe, well yes. But it still feels better to not be constantly beating myself up.
I forgot about my goal to get started on my closet. My plan switched to cleaning out the freezer room and defrosting the freezer – and then that got pushed over to be sick instead. I did get some of the cleaning done before then and bombed the garage and storeroom for spiders.
My creative thing for the week was to make beef tagine with butternut squash. I think it would be a bit of a cop-out for my creative goal to always been a cooking thing, but I do also want to continue my cooking goals and exploring new ideas.
Because I don’t want to try to change too many things at once, I am going to continue these same goals for another week. Problem areas, like writing food down and decreasing distractions may need more attention or possibly be reconsidered. I want to find something creative to do other than cooking and/or get out of the house for something other than errands.