oh no, something new

Peabody, another recipe blogger that I really enjoy, but don’t really cook from her recipes, sometimes writes about loving your body. Yeah, that’s something I’ve always wanted. I think it’s possible, you know, if you’re not me. Or maybe I could learn to love my body if I was, you know, different. It’s wonderful that some people can do that. Love their body, even if they aren’t perfect. And Peabody is pretty straight about not being perfect. But she’s way more perfect than me.

I tell people that I accept who I am. I know that I am fat and ugly. I accept that. I’ll probably never change. I’ve tried and tried. And failed. So I accept who I am. I’d still like to be different and I’m not going to stop trying.

People tell me that’s not acceptance. That’s being negative. I should love myself the way I am. Well, yeah. I think it’s a good idea. I think that you tend to treat yourself better, in more healthy ways, if you love yourself. And I think that would be possible if I were, you know, thin and pretty. Or at least, less fat and less ugly. But the concept, yes, I think you should love yourself. I don’t, but I accept myself.

And that’s not good enough.

*I should clarify. I don’t hate myself. I hate the way I look. There are other things I like very much about myself.

So, Peabody posted about someone (Sarah Jenks) who blogs about loving yourself and it sounds interesting. She’s doing a 28 day program called Live More, Weigh Less.

[Disclaimer: Her most recent post about drinking problems bothers me. Sure, she might not have a drinking problem but I wouldn’t want to blanket that story to all my friends who have or have had real drinking problems.]

The 28 day challenge sounds interesting. I’ve signed up for it but I’m afraid I don’t have any really big hopes at the moment. On the homepage, there are what I assume to be potential challenges for the month, like “Run in a field.” Yeah, that’s not going to happen. “Take a spontaneous roadtrip.” Spontaneous? Um, do you know what a challenge it is for me to drive even a short distance when I’ve planned to do it?

But I don’t want to be negative about it. There could be good in it and it’s a different perspective. And I could use a different perspective.

So, if you’re interested in playing along, you can sign up here. Starts September 3rd.


13 thoughts on “oh no, something new”

  1. First off I want to give you a giant hug. Sigh.
    Second you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way. Please believe that. Are you what society considers beautiful…I don’t know because I don’t see a photos…but even those models aren’t what society considers beautiful. They are airbrushed and photoshopped to be something even they can’t be. I bet if I saw you I could find 100’s of things that are beautiful about your outward appearance.

    I say keep an open mind. If she says go run in a field…seriously give it a go. She made me start having an dance party in my living room/kitchen and I told her I don’t like to dance and I will feel stupid. But I promised her I would. So I did. I felt awkward and stupid. But I did it for a week like she asked me to do. Now I do it pretty much every day…as long as no one is around. 🙂
    It’s called a challenge for a reason. 🙂 I mean half the time I want to be in my pj’s and I used to tell people no. But once I was out and doing things I was so glad I did. It’s all about the self talk in your head!!!


    1. Thank you for coming by, Peabody. As far as running in a field goes, it’s about physical limitations. I get really annoyed by those people who insist anyone can go for a walk. Well, not all of us can. But I do intend to keep an open mind and try the things she suggests – short of those thing that I physically cannot do.


  2. I have seen very few people in my life that I consider ugly and I doubt that I would consider you that. My husband wasn’t a particularly good looking man, but I found him very attractive. (Love is blind?) We’re all very hard on ourselves. I still remember Patt saying to me, “I don’t really have a big nose, I just have a small face!” LOL How about the chair exercises that don’t involve walking?


    1. Yes, I’ll substitute something I can do – but I’m not sure that’s the point of the challenge. It seems to me to be to get out of your comfort zone. That’s something I could use – I just need things outside my comfort zone that I can actually do.

      And I think Patt was definitely cute. 🙂 Ugly is maybe too strong a word, but it’s how I feel. I’ve said before that it’s a lot about how I feel, though to be honest, even if I were thin I would be plain. I think I wouldn’t feel as ugly but I’m not sure. Those feelings come from inside.


      1. Yes, ugly is an ugly word and very strong. Patt had a great smile and wonderful eyes; thank you for saying that he was cute. That would have made him laugh because he considered himself unattractive–but still worthy of friendship and love.


  3. Hey, I got here by way of Peabody. I get you on physical limitations. I have some physical limitations some of the time plus anxiety issues all of the time. I’d say do what you can to push yourself towards the challenge given. If she says go run in the field, then drive to a field and roll down all the windows and soak up the fresh air. Take a lawn chair and sit in the field if you think you can leave the car (that would be the scary part for me… and I say lawn chair because if I sit on the ground I might never be able to maneuver myself back up again).

    The most important part tho, is congratulating yourself on what you challenged yourself to do. Seriously, genuinely. Celebrate your victories, little & big. It’s necessary.

    But the thing I most wanted to say is this; I was too scared to sign up for this thing. But I’m going to now, because if someone else can give it a go knowing that some of the challenges just won’t be realistic, then I shouldn’t let that hold me back either. Thank you. I am nervously looking forward to this now.


    1. Thank you so much for coming by. It helps, doesn’t it, to not feel so alone. While I wouldn’t wish depression, anxiety or health problems on anyone, it helps that there is someone else who is going to do this thing, even knowing you won’t be able to do every challenge exactly as written. Maybe we can help each other come up with ideas for the challenges – because that idea of your’s is pretty damn clever.

      I’m feeling a bit better about these upcoming challenges. So glad you’re signing up.


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