we’re back! plus this week’s heart advice

We here at the dotcom portion of Chez Zaz have been down all day. I saw the site up for a while this afternoon but it disappeared again before I could write anything interesting or witty or something. Given that it only houses my personal sites, I can’t be too upset. Poor Bluehost has been working all day to find and correct the problem. People who use it for business appear less tolerant. Oh, and by the way, there’s another update coming so we could be down again.

Did you miss me?

During the morning of August 2, 2013, Endurance International Group’s data center in Provo, UT experienced unexpected issues that impacted customers of bluehost, HostGator, HostMonster and JustHost. Company websites and some phone services were affected as well.

But onto the more interesting or possibly witty or thoughtful or something. Yeah.

This week’s Heart Advice from Pema Chodron

It’s painful when you see how in spite of everything you continue in your neurosis; sometimes it has to wear itself out like an old shoe. However, refraining is very helpful as long as you don’t impose too authoritarian a voice on yourself. Refraining is not a New Year’s resolution, not a setup where you plan your next failure by saying, “I see what I do and I will never do it again,” and then you feel pretty bad when you do it again within the half hour.

Refraining comes about spontaneously when you see how your neurotic action works. You may say to yourself, “It would still feel good; it still looks like it would be fun,” but you refrain because you already know the chain reaction of misery that it sets off.

Excerpted from Start Where You Are

Clearly this was written for me. I don’t think anything frustrates me more about myself than seeing what I’m doing and doing it anyway. It’s one thing to be ignorant of the consequences of your behavior. Or in denial that you have a problem. It’s something else entirely to see the problem, be aware of the behavior – and do it anyway.

I’ve always set my goals for changing behaviors in rather judgmental ways. Even when I try to decrease a behavior, I am constantly thinking how I need to be perfect and since I am in no way perfect, I give up easily. A slip generally equals a massive leap back to the beginning.

But refraining. That’s a different way of looking at it, isn’t it? I could eat that cookie or I could refrain. I could avoid going to rehab or I could refrain from avoiding. Okay, that one is a little harder. Refraining from avoidance could still work but I might need to think about it more. I think refraining is more about decreasing behaviors than increasing behaviors – but it might just depend on how you look at it.

Something to think about.

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2 thoughts on “we’re back! plus this week’s heart advice”

    1. I swing, in a very childish way in my opinion, from doing what I want because I want to to judging myself for not being perfect. Both things are pretty stupid.

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