I tried to go to the caregiver’s support group this Friday but apparently, in the months since I’ve been able to get there it has disbanded. I almost made it there one week in January but the support group guy had left just before I got there. Oh well. And I called for an appointment with the shrink but had to leave a voicemail. And never got a call back. And while part of me suspects that there was a problem with the voicemail, the rest of me thinks perhaps the shrink doesn’t want to see me anymore. After all, it’s been a long time since I made it there, too. I did go to visit at rehab and talked to a friend there for a while. I can’t afford to pay the monthly fee just to only get there a couple of times and I have a lot to get done this month. Perhaps next month. I’m not feeling motivated. I am feeling lonely and those rehab friends are not real life friends, even though I thought they were. I haven’t even been checking in at Calorie King. It’s hard to fit into a new forum and I don’t feel like I belong there. Or anywhere.
I feel lonely. And sad. And really, really tired. I don’t feel like anyone really cares – and who can blame them? I have acquaintances at rehab, at the nursing home, at the grocery store, online and hell, even at Walmart. People I say hello to and chat with a bit if I am there. But not people who are real friends. I’ve said it before, I know, but have found no way to resolve it. I am unlikely to meet people sitting here at home. And I have no idea of where to go and how to meet people. At least, not people who might be more than acquaintances. It might be impossible.
I am sorry. It’s just one of those days. It’s supposed to rain. I hope that it does. Perhaps a little rain will clear the stagnant air around here.