Dad returned to Red Rose yesterday. First, know that every time you move someone with dementia, the confusion increases. He had to be moved back and forth from the psychiatric unit to the medical unit to the surgical unit several times over the past couple weeks while he was in Branson’s hospital and now he’s moved back to Red Rose. I do know just how difficult that is for someone with dementia. Doesn’t make it easier.
I talked with him on the phone last night while he was really upset and angry about being there. And just now, I tried to calm him down over the phone. He doesn’t remember that he has been in Red Rose since January. He doesn’t work there, he says. He has a good job up north and he wants to get back to that. He can’t tell me where, of course, or what he does. He knows that I visited him when he was in the hospital but it has transformed in his mind as some kind of job. He knows he had some medical problems but is sure that I don’t know what really happened and apparently I’m making things up. This morning he says that I am making him upset and when he’s upset he doesn’t remember as well.
He thought he could count on me. Why am I not taking his side? He feels so hurt, like he’s never been before and he’s disappointed in me.
It’s so hard. I know I’m doing what needs to be done. We all know he’s not safe at home but it doesn’t make it easier to hear the accusations. I know this seems like reality to him. He can’t even hear right now that he might not be remembering right – it’s me that doesn’t know, that doesn’t remember. His reality is real and mine is ……well it beats the hell out of me. It’s just that he thought he could count on me to take his side.
There are always times that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing for him. I question myself and try to figure out a way that he could be safely at home. I just don’t see it. He’s so far from being aware of reality that even with a live-in aide I can’t see how he could be safe at home.
My best hope, at the moment, is that he will re-adjust to being in the nursing home and be able to move back into a regular room. Usually these delusions don’t last that long so perhaps in a few days?
I am so tired.
*title has tongue firmly in cheek. This is a difficult and painful situation but I do not really believe I am a horrible person.