it’s all about me

Well, I slept fairly well for almost a week and didn’t wake up every morning dreading the day. Now we’re back to normal.

From the discharge summary: “…and he insists on being discharged home. I feel that I have to honor his request since he seems to be comprehending the choice of home vs. Nursing home.”

Does this make sense to anyone? During his brief visits with the doctor he answers questions “appropriately” and he’s not oriented to “exact time.” I was there when he said the year was 2000-something and that the season was spring. I guess that’s not “exact” all right. He was delusional while in the hospital and at least last night was still insisting that he needed to get his car from the hospital, even while he could see it sitting in the car port.

All the energy has been sucked out of me. Maybe they’re right, maybe he should be allowed to stay home. Maybe my opinion is being colored by my inability to cope with him anymore.

I will take care of all his financial stuff, bills, etc. I will take care of everything regarding Mom. I will do his laundry. I will do his shopping. I will take care of his cat. I will arrange for services for him. I will try to get him to the doctor.

I will not entertain him. I cannot spend extended periods of time with him.

update: and everything turns out to be a headache. Home health hasn’t arrived yet because Dad needs a primary care physician to follow up for home health and hey, that’s been part of the problem. I have calls in to them and the doctor I’d prefer him to see….. waiting. DFS hasn’t shown up yet either. Going to try to get his home worker out weekly – apparently need special permission for that.

And Dad is convinced that we have guests staying in the back room and wonders how long they will be staying.

Another hard talk with him. Generally I try not to upset him but I’m tired of pretending that this isn’t hard on me. We talked some about things that are Truths as opposed to what he believes. Why? It’s not like he will remember.

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4 thoughts on “it’s all about me”

  1. Oh Zaz I feel for you. If I had a magic wand I would fix it all. It is quite unfortunate that he will likely have to fall and break his shoulder or hip before anyone really realizes how bad off he is.

    Try and hang tough.

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  2. Terrible. I guess all you can do is TRY to set boundaries for him and yourself and do what you can to get him the help that he needs. What an utter mess. 😦

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  3. What if you move out of the house? What if you notify his physician and social workers that you are making plans to move away temporarily for the sake of your own health and sanity? (Do they really believe he can function safely alone?) Maybe you could visit a friend or relative. Is there a geriatric specialist within driving distance who could do an independent evaluation of him and write a recommendation that you could take to an attorney?

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  4. I appreciate all your support as I continue to rant and process the situation. Home health is supposed to be here this afternoon and (as I wrote in today’s post) Dad was saying this morning that he’s willing to go to the nursing home. I occasionally think about running away Hannah – I just can’t do it. No one believes that he can function safely at home, the doctor just didn’t want to make that decision.

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