gosh, could that be the problem?

I haven’t been writing much lately. And that’s stating the obvious, is it not? The thing is, nothing really changes. I feel like all I do is repeat myself and complain about things that don’t change anyway. That’s not what I want the blog to be. Staying stuck in that loop doesn’t make me feel any better and has got to bore everyone else. I’ve got some writing projects now, but I thought I’d catch things up and stuff.

Let’s see… My DSL had the blazingly fast speed of 172 kps yesterday morning. I’ve been having some issues about the last month. Hell, I thought they were doing some weird work on the lines – every night at about 10PM the connection would drop from 4-5mbps to 400kbps. Often during guild raids, which is really inconvenient for the monsters killers out there. I called yesterday morning and got an appointment for today for the tech to come out. More on that in a minute.

Yesterday, also, I drove to Springfield to meet with the Certified Diabetes Educator at Dr. G&P’s office. I now have a better handle on the insulin dosing. I can do the correction factor and the carb to insulin ratio correctly now! I was actually on the right track but I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it since it wasn’t really what the doctor ordered – all he ordered was the correction dose and not the dose for the meal carbs. So, that’s kind of exciting. The CDE made me feel better about what I’m doing and especially the safety issue. So long as I’m making small changes, I shouldn’t trigger a low that way and will gradually get to my goal numbers. I liked her!

Since I was up in Springfield anyway, I called the Shrink to see if he had time to see me and got to visit with him the first time since February. It’s been a tough spring and summer for getting up there with the high sugar and sleepy Lyrica side effects. Plus, it’s the same issue that I have with writing. I feel like I’ve said everything already.

[And another challenge to writing, I just spent a half hour kitty cuddling. It’s a better reason than the others. Plus, I’ll take the opportunity to cuddle when Ms. Biter decides she wants to cuddle.]

Anyway, I’ve said everything. But still, it’s helpful to have an adult to talk to. Since I haven’t been going to rehab lately, I don’t even have that outlet. I sometimes go days without talking to anyone. Sorry, but Dad doesn’t count. Well, sometimes he does. Sometimes we tell pet stories which is one thing we can talk about in my family that doesn’t cause arguments or irritation. I can usually find something to talk about with the shrink and I need to get back into going regularly. Something we noted yesterday, the depression isn’t that bad – at least the mood part – right now. It’s more that I feel numb. I’m just so emotionally tired.

And then I went to Walmart. Because of the shrink visit, I was running later than I planned and called Dad so he wouldn’t worry. Except I got a busy signal. He doesn’t sit on the phone these days and every time I tried to call the line was busy. I figured he probably had left the phone off the hook but I also had all kinds of dark images of him falling and trying to call 911 or something. I tried our neighbor but she wasn’t home. Drive drive drive and I got home, finally. He was fine but the phone wasn’t off the hook. No, our phone line was dead. The DSL was still sort of working, isn’t that weird?

So, I called the phone company last night and eventually made it through their automated system to get a tech out here sometime today. And I said to myself, “Gosh, could that be the problem?” Fast forward to this morning when the net-tech got to the house quite early. There was a short in our phone line, probably caused by the folks who replaced the water line last spring. It just took this long for whatever to short out the line but was likely the cause of the DSL problems.

So, in summary, blood sugar gradually improving, shrink visit, DSL fixed. And I have a few writing projects coming. As I said to Ally, focusing on the past is easier right now than thinking about the present or future. Maybe I will have the energy to philosophize a little as well.

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6 thoughts on “gosh, could that be the problem?”

  1. Love this post–it’s so HUMAN. You describe perfectly the feeling of being overwhelmed, yet numb. I know it well. I’m so glad that the diabetes is better (meal carbs-was that what my mom was talking about?) and that the phone line/DSL issue is fixed. Small things like that always give me a sense of accomplishment…until the next household issue hits. 😉

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    1. That’s me! Very, very human. And yeah, that’s probably what your mother was talking about. I figure my insulin based on what my reading is before meals then add an amount based on the number of carbs in my meal. It’s a plan but it still feels rather like guessing.

      The DSL died last night at it’s usual time – sometime between 9:30 and 10:30 and was down an hour and a half. This has to be something on their end but no one seems to know what. I’m waiting to see if it keeps happening and if it’s fixed when they come and bury the new cable/replace the temporary cable.

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  2. Well, sis, at least some things are improving.
    I have a shrink visit this Friday. And I think I need a sleep study. Should I start looking for chiffon pegnoirs now? (Spellcheck couldn’t find it either, but you know what I mean.)
    And your question re driving with one eye – I had been layered in the other eye 18 months prior, which also took away a little side vision, but not as much in the detached eye. However, both losses combined to make a big deal out of the situation. The doc warned me that he was obligated to put in his records that he had told me not to drive (in some states, but not Minnesota, they actually have to report it to the state). So, if I continued to and got into an accident and my medical records were summoned, I’d be hosed. That’s just too big a chance to take, all things considered.

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    1. Yes it is, MN. I’m glad that you have options where you live. I’m not sure if the bus in Springfield would work well enough (you know, if I lived there and I couldn’t drive). My brother never learned to drive and does the bus in Kansas City to get wherever he needs. I’ve always been afraid of buses. I have this – irrational – fear that I will get on the wrong bus and they won’t let me back off. Good luck with the sleep study. I recommend taking your very most comfortable pajamas. And your mp3 player if you have one.

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  3. I’m glad to learn that you’re making progress with your insulin. Having the knowledge + confidence to make the changes that you need to make can only be a good thing. I’m also happy to know that you got the chance [finally] to get to your doc. Another good thing, eh?

    As for the not wanting to write, I get that. Around this time of year my allergies go into hyperdrive & I feel lousy. I find it next to impossible to think straight, let alone write anything. We all go through our cycles, don’t we?

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    1. We do! Some kind of allergy thing going on around here, too. I swear it’d be easier to just be sick and be done with it rather than dragging along just not really feeling well.

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