if you don’t have anything nice to say…

It seems that it’s far easier to get out of the habit of writing than to write every day. Or even every other day. Life has felt busy but as I look at the stacks of holiday cards I need to address I am wondering what exactly I have been doing. I haven’t even made it to rehab this week, though I did pull into the parking lot yesterday before I said, “I just don’t feel like it” and drove on to Walmart to pick up my prescription and then on to see Mom.

I haven’t felt creative. I haven’t felt like pondering big ideas or lightly posting small ones. I am trying to look for the positive in my day, relax some, let go of unrealistic expectations, and yet, I’m spiraling into a lethargic space that looks suspiciously like a rabbit hole. Honestly, I’m not even trying to make the holidays fun, I’m just trying to survive them.

I’ve had big menu plans – I want something different. I was planning on making prime rib (What? $70 for a 2 pound roast? That will be a regular rib roast, thank you.) and au jus, Yorkshire pudding, and Alton Brown’s fruitcake. Is it going to make me any happier? Bah Humbug, why am I questioning this now? None of it is particularly hard to do and yet I’m considering ham and sweet potatoes and a store bought pie.

I need to shake this. If I can’t please anyone else, I can please myself. I can’t fix Mom or make Dad happy. I can say hello and happy Christmas to friends far away and enjoy the small gifts I’ve gotten for those a little more near. I could probably do a little more decorating. I like the tree when it is up, after all.

And I think Stasia is not sick after all. She’s eating again and she had a nice big poop last night. That was yesterday’s positive, by the way. The kitty made a nice big poop.

Links! Everyone is writing about writing this morning. Okay, not everyone but several of the blogs I read. Here are a couple you might enjoy.

Monica Bhide: Shoot the Critic, Save the Dream

Molly Wizenberg: In my better moments

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8 thoughts on “if you don’t have anything nice to say…”

  1. Zazzy, I have no idea why I got what I got and you didn’t get what I got. Is WP trying something new and I’m a guinea pig? The ways of blogging platforms are a mystery to me. Always.

    Either one of your dinner menus sounds good to me. What are you in the mood for– cow or pig?

    And as for the rest of the holiday stuff… in my experience, Christmas arrives in spite of what you do or don’t do– so why stress? Do what makes you feel good about yourself and skip the rest. That’s my approach. FWIW.

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  2. Ally, I haven’t made a good beef roast in a long time.

    I really am trying not to stress and to keep things simple. Dinner may be just pleasing myself. But dammit, I’m going to be really pleased. Maybe I should have bought the $70 roast but I’m not sure I need to be that pleased.

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  3. You’ll have to let me know if you like Alton Brown’s fruitcake. Is this the first year you’ve made it?? We watched the Iron Chef episode last week where his fruitcake was the secret ingredient and I had forgotten that I wanted to look up the recipe until reading your post 🙂

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    1. Well I can tell you that it smells pretty good and the batter tasted good. I made a few minor changes based on what I could get but basically followed the recipe for a change.

      Free Range Fruitcake

      It’s supposed to sit around until Christmas now, getting spritzed every couple days. If it doesn’t taste good, it sure cost enough to make!

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  4. I’d checked a few times and not found any new posts, and then today there are three! So glad you wrote something again. Thanks for the link recommendations. I’m glad you included those, I’m looking for more blogs which are about writing, rather than the “mummy blogs” I’m currently more involved with. Definitely please yourself about Christmas, then at least someone is happy. After all, you are doing all the work. As Ally said, Christmas comes (and goes) no matter what you do or don’t do. BTW, I don’t get an inspirational quote when I post on WP either! Maybe Ally is just lucky. Polly

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