A couple of friends have pointed me to the teachings of Pema Chodron lately. I’ve only just started exploring her writing, skimming over bits and pieces. I am not Buddhist but I find a lot of truth and, well, comfort in the philosophy. Sometimes things seem very obvious and sometimes it scares the hell out of me that these teachings could be true. It’s hard to let go of long held beliefs no matter how unhealthy they may be.
“We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.”
― Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living
That idea, that I’m okay right here, right now, is so very hard for me. I keep coming back to variations of “accept yourself” and I keep saying I’m going to do that – you know, just as soon as I’m someone else. A very long time ago I was told that because I see myself as needing to lose weight I would always keep the weight so that I would need to lose it. It makes me squint a little to look at that sentence but I get it. This is how I see myself. This is who I believe that I am. What would happen if I were really okay with myself as I am right now – instead of just saying that I am?
It’s such a twisty little path.