Some of the things I’m missing about losing the old blog are the posts about my happiness project. I confess, I haven’t paid them so much attention lately. I’ve gotten kind of mired in the daily stress of dementia and I spend way too much time worrying about what is going to happen next with the folks. Losing the old posts gives me the opportunity to re-examine the issue, however. To give myself a little structure, I think I’m going to write about this topic on Sundays. We’ll see how that goes. It may be like how I love to make complicated filing systems then never actually do the filing.
A friend of mine pointed me to a FaceBook page for Seeds of Change and there seem to be some very good jumping off points for thinking about my happiness project. For example,
´*.¸.•´♥ “Give all the people in your life permission to be who they are. As you do, you increase your ability to love and accept yourself just as you are. As you accept and love yourself, you raise your vibration and attract more good into your life. Accept the things you can’t change, and look for the good in them.”
Orin through Sanaya Roman – Spiritual Growth
I think I generally do a better job giving permission for others to be who they are than I do myself. The big exception to that is Dad. I so want him to be different. He wasn’t always a very nice man but I miss the man who got things done. I get caught in the trap of thinking that he won’t do something rather than he can’t. He’s very frustrating, particularly if I need to get him somewhere at a particular time. I recently decided to try to let go of the things I can’t control with him – which is most everything – and to make some minor changes for him that will simplify my life. I am keeping him stocked in frozen dinners because he is still capable of heating up dinner for himself and if I know he has food and he doesn’t choose to eat it that’s his problem (for now) and not mine. I keep the cat feeder full and scoop the litter box when I’m upstairs visiting on my way to rehab. And I bought him 3 new trashcans to put everywhere he sits to help contain the trash. I’m getting him a fourth to put by his chair at the dining room table since it’s too much work for him to take the meals on wheels bags into the kitchen and put them in the trash there. These are little things. They’re not designed to cause him extra work. In fact, I hope they make his life a little easier because I always find chaos around me to be stressful. I’m not the neatest person in the world but when my house gets too cluttered my life feels too cluttered.
I don’t know that these changes have increased my ability to love and accept myself as I am, but they’ve decreased my stress a little bit. I constantly have to work on letting go of things and accepting what I can’t change. Sometimes, it’s being able to tell the difference between what I can’t change and what I think I ought to be able to change that makes the difference.