101 things*

*Found and updated!

1. My name isn’t really Zazzy.

2. I think I’m funnier than I probably am.

3. I’m really very shy. Introverted.

4. People tend to be surprised when I say I’m shy.

5. I suspect I don’t have a good sense of how others see me.

6. In fact, I’m frequently told I don’t have a good sense of how others see me.

7. Okay, I am specifically told that what I think other people think is mostly bullshit.

8. I am trying to take more social risks.

9. This blog is part of that. I’m very open about my life and the stuff going on in my head.

10. No, I don’t really worry about the blog coming back to bite me in the ass someday. I don’t post anything I wouldn’t be willing to say in person, in real life.

11. I still obsess about whether I’ve said the wrong thing.

12. I’m currently “retired.”

13. I used to be a shrink.

14. I burned out at the therapy thing and stopped believing that I had the answers or even whether there might be answers.

15. That’s really not a good place for your therapist to be.

16. I’m not really sure what I will do next, but I will not return to being a therapist. Been there, done that. Time to do something else.

17. I’m rather indecisive at the moment.

18. I am clear in my priorities regarding chocolate.

19. Chocolate is not a food, it’s a medication.

21. Again, I think I’m funnier than I really am.

22. But I’m serious. You can’t take chocolate away from me.

23. I have a lot of food issues.

24. And diet issues.

25. I’m still trying to figure things out.

26. Food bridges the gap between diabetic and emotional issues.

27. I got the results of my blood test for diabetes on April 1, 2000.

28. April Fools!

29. No, really.

30. I feel guilty that I have diabetes.

31. I knew I was at risk.

32. My grandmother died from diabetic complications.

33. She was probably what we would call insulin resistant today.

34. So was I.

35. I wonder if knowing would have made a difference to me.

36. I suspect it wouldn’t.

37. Maybe I’m still in denial.

38. I am almost halfway through this list and I’m not sure I’ve said anything.

39. I am single.

40. I have no children.

41. Sometimes I think I’ve missed something important by not having children.

42. The rest of the time I’m quite happy with that choice.

43. I am opinionated.

44. I don’t often share my opinion unless I’m asked, however.

45. Don’t ask me what you don’t want to know.

46. I’m generally quite honest when asked my opinion directly.

47. But I don’t like to hurt others’ feelings.

48. I have most often been described as “nice” in my life.

49. I think “nice” means boring.

50. I have a cat named Anastasia.

51. She is a little crazy.

52. I have had a cats pretty much since I was 5 years old.

53. Every last one of them has been insane.

54. Other people have normal cats so I think it’s me.

55. I don’t understand people who don’t like animals.

56. For that matter, I don’t understand people who don’t like whole groups of people.

57. I try to view what I don’t like about someone as their behavior or attitude and not lose sight of the idea that there is more to them than that.

58. But I’m not perfect.

59. I’m very reactive to certain triggers.

60. I really hate it when someone suggests I’m stupid because I don’t agree with him or her.

61. My arguments are more emotional than logical.

62. I often feel that others don’t understand what I’m trying to say.

63. But there have always been a few people who ‘get’ me.

64. I secretly like them better than others.

65. My mom has end stage Alzheimer’s.

66. I miss her a lot, even though she’s still here.

67. Some days, I find myself expecting her to really “be” there.

68. I sort of wish I knew what is going on in her head, but it scares me that she might be more aware than I think she is.

69. My dad has dementia which may or may not be Alzheimer’s.

70. I don’t care what you call it, the result is the same.

71. It’s very hard to watch him deteriorate, especially after already having been there with Mom.

72. I’m told not to worry so much about the future.

73. It’s hard for me to imagine getting old.

74. In my head, some days I think I am still about 27.

75. Other days, I am pretty sure I’m closer to 97.

76. I don’t want to grow up.

77. There is almost always a song playing in my head.

78. I love to sing.

79. I’m not very good.

80. I sing out loud in the shower and in the car.

81. Sometimes I catch myself singing as I wander around the store.

82. I don’t care as much as I used to whether strangers think I’m weird.

83. But I still wish that I was pretty.

84. There is still a part of me that thinks maybe magic is real.

85. I don’t want to know how the trick is done.

86. Close up magic is far more amazing (and more possible to believe) than the huge tricks.

87. I had such a crush on Doug Henning.

88. I love to be amazed and astounded.

89. I cried when I saw my first wild buffalo.

90. I think they are amazing.

91. I sprinkled my dog Fred’s ashes in Yellowstone.

92. He totally loved going there and barking at the buffalo – from the safety of the car.

93. Yes, I know they’re actually bison.

94. I like words.

95. I like some words just because of the way they sound when I say them.

96. I love the way words can create whole worlds in your mind.

97. I love to read.

98. I can really lose myself in a good book.

99. I like being read to.

100. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be read to sleep by James Earl Jones or Garrison Keillor?

101. I cry over sad endings.

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