In no sort of order…. (and possibly to be added to when I get home tomorrow)
- Guilt – I hate feeling guilt and anxiety about everything I eat. I hate feeling that I, at least to some extent, brought this on myself. I hate feeling guilty that there are so many people in the world with so much worse problems and I should just shut up and stop complaining. Have too much to eat? At least I have something to eat at all.
- Uncertainty – This has actually been a bigger issue at times since the lap-band. Food takes longer to get through my stomach and will therefore hit me at odd times – much like gastroparesis. The biggest time this is a problem, however, is when I’m having a low and that’s not a problem right now.
- Lows – Doesn’t everyone hate them? You think as someone with type 2 that lows are not that much of an issue – and to be honest, they are no where near the issue that they are with someone with type 1. But, when my control is tight, lows are an issue.
- The fact that it affects children and other creatures who can’t even tell you what’s wrong – Not sure quite how this fits here but I was thinking this morning that the hardest time I ever had with diabetes was when my cat was diabetic. Poor Charlie was ravenous when high and refused to eat when low. And you can’t just poke his finger so insulin was a guessing game and involved running to the store late and night to buy karo syrup to force down his throat with a big (needle-less) syringe because he was clearly really low and would not eat. I can empathize at least some with parents of small children with diabetes. Diabetes sucks but at least as adults we have some control over our behavior and ability to manage much of it.
- Insulin Resistance – the hallmark of type 2, insulin resistance means that if I eat a high carb meal I crash – literally – a couple hours later. There is no bolusing to cover the meal. There is simply a monster nap attack which is really inconvenient when driving. I really need to never eat a bunch of carbs at a time. I so love carbs.
- Fear – Goes along with guilt, I guess. I’m doing a bad job managing things like carbs at the moment. I worry about what I’m doing to myself long term when I’m behaving like this. My eyes – oh my eyes are my greatest fear. Shouldn’t I be the most motivated person in the world to control my blood sugars?
- Depression – Depression goes hand and glove with diabetes. I think it’s a combination of all the stress and work of caring for a chronic disease, the other chronic conditions that go along with diabetes, and a chemical issue caused by the diabetes itself. I have enough going on in my life to not need to deal with that extra chemical piece, thank you very much.
Is that 10? No – but I have to get moving. Be back tomorrow morning and maybe I’ll add to it then!